Feminism & Chivalry aren’t mutually exclusive

As you’ve seen so far, I talk about a variety of topics as I’m interested in different ones. However, they all have a common denominator and that is to improve the quality of our lives and live a more fulfilling life.

Nowadays I very often see that men and women are equally confused about their roles, especially when it comes to dating. My philosophy on this is that we need both feminism and chivalry for a healthy and balanced society because after all they are not mutually exclusive. Let me explain.

In all aspects of society, as employees, citizens, community members, business owners etc we should look people from a gender neutral point of view. Because when you have the skills, qualifications and a clear vision you should be able to do anything you want. That’s why we need feminism in order for men and women to have equal rights, equal opportunities and equal pay for the same type of job. Also on boards and parliaments, women that have the skills, qualifications, and vision should have a seat at the table. Therefore I believe we should all be feminists.

Now when it comes to a relationship dynamic between a woman and a man we are 100% equal, however, we are not the same. We are biologically wired differently, we have different needs and different desires. Men express their love for their chosen woman in a very different way than women do. According to the book –Think like a man, act like a lady by Steve Harvey- men express their love in three ways and those are called the three P’s in the book. Those are Profess, Provide, Protect.

The latter two are quite self-explanatory. Profess is the fact that when a man has chosen a woman he will put a title to her. When he introduces her to his friends he won’t introduce her by her name, but he will use a title like ‘my girlfriend’, ‘my wife’, ‘my lady’ whatever that might be.. See, women don’t do that, only men do!

A man will keep a woman in his life that makes him feel more of who he is – a man. Equally, a woman will keep a man around that he makes her feel more of who she is – a woman. Pretty basic huh?

Now an independent woman is one that knows her worth, she has desires and ambitions that she is working towards. An independent woman doesn’t need permission to go for her dreams and she is not influenced by other people’s opinions. An independent woman can do everything on her own, however, she knows that to let a man take care of her is a lot more fun.

Because when a man is acting in chivalrous ways he expresses his love and affection to me. And there is something super hot when he opens the door for me or when he holds my coat. When he brings me home, or when he pulls the chair at the dinner table for me. Those are little things that show that he cares for me and that’s how a man takes care of a woman. Women take care of a man in different ways, by acting in chivalrous is how men do it.

Overall I think chivalry is very important in a relationship but also for all the special women that men have in their life – like their mother, sister, and daughter. Chivalry is how men take care of the special women in their lives and I think it’s important for women to let men take on that role because ultimately chivalry makes men feel more of who they are – men!

Here is one of my first videos – Gender equality – where I talk about gender parity specifically. Please let me know your thoughts on the topic, like, share this content so more people will be inspired.

Love yourself first,

Ferenike

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Why being smart is sexy?

The conversation I talk about on the video, took place on my facebook profile. If you want to engage in the conversation and share your thoughts please make sure to connect with me on all the following platforms as different conversations take place in different communication platforms.

Please fire away any questions you may have on my website about an unresolved problem and we can introduce that as a topic for investigation and conversation. Trust me we will always get down to the point and find the most authentic, compassionate answer to your question.

If it is a more private one don’t hesitate to get in touch with me personally and we can have the conversation together in that case.

Can’t wait to connect with you and encourage those fruitful conversations that will help us up level our game in all 4 dimensions of human beings: spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

Devoted love,

Ferenike

On Forgiveness

Lately, I have seen a common thread among the people I coach and people that come up to me for advice in general. I see that people hold on to bad experiences and bad emotions from the past and that is because we don’t know how to let them go.

When people mistreating you or betray you or belittle you that tells more about them, than about you, so please don’t take it personally. Also, when I have this conversation with people they go on to explain that he or she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. My beloved, I want you to understand that you don’t forgive them for them – you forgive them for you.

Because here is what happens when you don’t. The negative emotions they grow and they bottle up in your body. As a result, you create the vibrational energy around your body that enables similar people and circumstances to emerge as a result of holding on to this bad emotion and bad energy. I really don’t want you to do that.

For the healing to take place, first of all, you have to talk it out. You can’t heal what you can’t speak about. Make sure you express your emotions and you state the facts – no matter how painful it is. Then the next step is to replace the bad emotion with a good one and recognize that this person acted out of hurt or out of ignorance.

And finally, you need to forgive them – not for them but for you. That doesn’t mean that you allow the bad behavior to happen again. Forgiving doesn’t mean to allow this person that mistreated you back in your life. Forgiving means that you recognize what happened and first of all forgive yourself for allowing to mistreat you but also understand that some people even though you hope and pray that they’ll have love and appreciation, however, they may carry baggage with them or they just might not have the capacity to give more.

Recognizing this will set you free and will make you wiser as a result. Some people think that by holding on to anger and resentment they hurt the bad person- truth be told – we hurt ourselves more than we hurt anybody else. Those negative emotions, in the long run, will grow and can show up as a disease. We have scientific research nowadays showing exactly that cancer it’s nothing more than bad emotions bottled up in the body and never dealt with.

Make yourself a favor and forgive, it’s a gift to yourself. Forgiveness is the highest form of love and life will never be the same again as you forgive – yourself and others.

Lots of love,

Ferenike

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My 1st self-love lesson

Self-love is a topic that I’m hugely passionate about. Self-love and self-respect are the beginning of everything we do. For everything that we want to achieve and accomplish if we feel that we are not good enough, or we don’t deserve it we will never be able to attain it. It’s very important therefore to take a couple of minutes and audit yourself in that respect. Think about how much you love yourself, how comfortable you feel in your own skin with your flaws and imperfections. Being comfortable in our own skin is the beginning of all achievement.

Now I want to share a story, which was my first self-love lesson that my mom taught me. I was about 13-14 years old when my mom found a lighter in my bag. She immediately assumed that I was smoking and therefore pulled me aside – she said – we need to talk! I knew that was not a good thing and I said ok what’s it all about?

Also to mention here that my mom smoked back then and she still does now just like her whole family. My dad on the other side never smoked and his family doesn’t smoke either – therefore it was 50/50 for me and my brother. So she pulled me aside and talked to me patiently about smoking and all the harmful stats around cigarettes. She said smoking has nothing good to offer, it is only harmful and she went ahead made a general point. She said that when we love someone we don’t harm them with smoking, bad food, or anything else. And we also don’t allow other people to harm us.

However, she said I don’t love myself as much as I should and that’s why I smoke every now and then, but because you love yourself – you’ll never smoke. That was such a vulnerable thing from her side to do – she was very real with me and she just wanted to protect me. It was the best thing ever because essentially she held me to a higher standard than herself. I definitely didn’t want to let her down and but also I knew I loved myself. Of course, she has been a great influence on me growing up and she taught me so much about self-love and self-respect. I thank her for embedded me with those principles from a very young age and she was so real and vulnerable with me.

As a result, I never smoked and my brother never smoked either, also bear in mind that I lived in the Netherlands for 6 years and that didn’t trigger me either.

Please take a minute to think now whether you have any habits that are harmful to yourself in order to audit them and see if there are better ways to approach them going forward.

Please let me know your thoughts on self-love, like and share this video. Please also subscribe to my channel and I will see you again next Sunday -until then love you all!

Hugs & kisses

Ferenike

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Reflecting on my life | 4 years in London

Do you ever feel like you work so hard, you give so much of your energy and your heart and still can’t see the outcome?

It has happened to everyone at least once in life. When you find yourself in that position please take a minute, breathe and reflect on your life. Think about the last 4 years of your life:

  1. -What have you achieved?
  2. -What have you learned?
  3. -What has been the main theme of life and pattern?

Then take a look at the present and be as honest as possible about where you are at. Most people tend to see the present better than it is or worst than it is.

And lastly, think about where you see yourself 4 years forward? What is the desired outcome for you 4 years from now? I guarantee you that if you don’t take a moment to reflect the 4 years will be identical to the last years of your life.

I really don’t want for you to wake up one day and realize that you don’t have the time to achieve all your dreams anymore. So please take the time to reflect in your life. Reflect is more of a philosophical word but you prefer the word audit your life please go with that.

All those thoughts came to mind as I realized that I moved to London on the 1st of July 2013 – 4 years ago! I moved from Amsterdam to London and what a journey this has been! My life in Amsterdam was pretty settled with my job, friends, and circle of influence and when I got the offer from the company I was working at the time to move to London – I thought to myself why not? I’m still young and ambitious and London will open my horizons and give me new experiences. So I did it.

The first six months were horrible. I didn’t have any friends in London and I spend so much time on my own, I felt really lonely. However, after some time I managed to make friends and acquaintances. Now 4 years fast forward I’ve had 4 roles in 4 different companies and I’ve grown so much professionally and personally.

Of course, I’ve had a few flings too that helped me learn so much about men, their ways of thinking and my reaction to those – but this is a whole different video because I’ve got a lot to share in this area too.

The highlight of the last 4 years it was the start up attempt which didn’t work out in the end. This was just a priceless experience, I’ve learned so much about myself, life and business in general. However, I won’t lie about how bad it hurt and how painful the whole experience was. See nothing really prepares you for entrepreneurship. The reason I say this is because yes you need all the skills for business –  such as marketing, sales, product development, and picking the right people to work with but the whole experience boils down to one thing and that is guts, courage, and emotional strength.

It’s not easy, I felt that I exhausted my limits and went even further, therefore I grew. Of course, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything and I would do all of it from the start. The truth is I’m still recovering emotionally from it but I’m so much better as a result of this experience.

Now the other element of entrepreneurship and when you do something that’s out of the box is that some people may fall off the wagon of your life and that’s absolutely fine. Now please remember that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It’s vital to audit the people on the wagon and I say this because in the past I let people that didn’t support me or my vision to stay in the wagon. What this does is it slows the process and it drags you down. You don’t need this energy in your life so make sure you surround yourself with people that love you, believe in you and your vision and will be there for you when the wagon breaks down.

Overall the last 4 years of myself have been all about me and my development. Now the only reason for me gaining knowledge and growing is to be able to share more, contribute and help more people grow and that’s exactl my intention for the next 4 years of my life.

Please share with me below what’s your intention for the next 4 years of your life and surely I will be here to support you all along.

Love

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How to deal with emotions & emotional stress

We as human beings are emotional beings and emotions run our lives. However, we have not received sufficient education from school about how to deal with emotions and more often than not our parents are not good at dealing well with emotions either.

Therefore, let’s take a minute to think about how we currently deal with emotions and if there is a better way to deal with emotions going forward. I will also share with your what I do when I feel emotional stress in my life.

First of all, what is emotion? Emotion is a feeling that we feel in our body. Emotions are triggered by thoughts. Thoughts are thought in the mind and feelings are felt in the body. When we think happy thoughts, we feel happy feelings and when we think sad thoughts we feel sad feelings. Now it’s crucial to understand that emotions live in the body.

The worst way to deal with emotions is to bottle them up or ignore them. This is the least effective approach because when we don’t deal with emotions they don’t disappear rather they come back later on in a form of a disease.

Therefore, we need to do two main things when dealing with emotions, firstly we need to face the emotions and understand what exactly was the trigger. Was it what he/she said? Was it what he/she did? Was it what he/she didn’t do? Personally, it helps me loads when I write everything down on a paper, without holding back just write out exactly what I feel and how this behavior made me feel and why I am angry or sad.

The reason I write them down is that when I, later on, read it back to myself it doesn’t make sense or it does make sense and then I give it a meaning. For example, he did this because he was hurt first by my behavior or he wasn’t in a good state or whatever might be.

The second step remember is to let it go from my body, so what I do is I go to the gym and sweat it out. I might run for 50 straight minutes on the treadmill thinking to myself – ‘I don’t deserve this, my happiness is more important than any issue or negativity and I let this go right now, it doesn’t serve me anymore’.

By the end of the training I’m sweaty all over and I go to the shower thinking all the negativity is out of my body and I’m feeling relieved and free. It’s a wonderful feeling because the negative emotion doesn’t have power over me anymore, I’m free!

Now this works for me, as I’m very physical. Other people might prefer to write songs, or poems or paint. Just think for yourself what would allow this negativity to exit your body and to let go so that it doesn’t have power over you anymore.

Also, I’d like to go as far as to say that it’s worth taking some time to think about this because the way we deal with emotions is the reflection of our soul – it is very raw and unguided that we just deal with them unconsciously most of the time.

Lastly, think what would work better for you and just do that, hope this video gave you some good tips and ideas to deal with your emotions effectively. Let me know how you deal with emotions below and please like, share and subscribe to my channel.

Lots of love,

Ferenike

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Philosophy VS Academic Philosophy

 

The purpose of this video is to challenge your perception of what philosophy is and what it means. I want you to leave this video having a new understanding of the word and what it is.

For someone that is new to the term, philosophy at first seems an uninvited term, a little outdated and maybe boring. For some other people it might actually be something interesting but never got around to study or work around it.

It is true that philosophy has been kept for the few within universities and haven’t fulfilled its whole potential yet. Philosophy thrives among the people in everyday life. Let me explain the difference between academic philosophy and philosophy in everyday life.

Academic philosophy is responsible for examining and investigating the collective human knowledge and its limits. Whereareas philosophy in simple terms for me and you is about examining and investigating our belief system, values, emotional states, psychology, and behavior.

However, it’s true that all the problems that we face nowadays, philosophers have thought about them before and they have come up with answers. Therefore, it feels like we sit on gold and we haven’t figured a way yet to make use of it, it’s pretty sad if you ask me.

Personally, philosophy has been hugely valuable for me, it has been my anchor throughout my life. From my teenage years where I was learning about the science of achieving and winning as a beach volleyball player to later on in my life when I was looking for a purpose and a life to be proud for. Also, philosophy has been useful when I had questions like what is love, what does it mean and how does it come about?

I was reading Plato, about one of those evenings they had in Ancient Athens where they were discussing love, sex, and life. When Plato was asked what is love? He said ”Love is admiration” this quote resonated so well with me. It explained so much about why do I fall in love with certain individuals and what is their role in my life in general.

This was just an example of how philosophy has played a fundamental role in my life and has shaped my mindset, there are hundreds of other examples too.

Think about going to the gym and training the muscles of your body to cultivate a healthy body. We do philosophy in order to train the mind faculties and cultivate a healthy mind. By doing philosophy, therefore examining and investigating our own values, beliefs, behavior and emotional states we are much better equipped to design life on our own terms and live a life we are proud to live.

Among other philosophy helps us hugely develop self-awareness and self-compassion and critical thinking. Next time you face a challenge don’t try to superficially deal with the issue but dive deep into the depth of philosophical investigation within you and maybe study what philosophers have said about the problem you are going through.

Otherwise, get in touch with me and I will guide through to the other side of your true self.

Love you guys,

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